Is Everybody Better Than Me?
Posted In: Confidence and Control
Posted On: 2/5/2015
Do you ever feel like everyone around you has a leg up on you? Although I try not to let it happen, on occasion, little insecurities pop in my brain and they are hard to beat down. Recently, I attended an amazing party where I felt, well, a bit lost. Let me set the stage. It was a glamorous evening at a beautiful location thrown by a generous company that had recently just gone through an IPO (Initial Public Offering). There were about 500 people in attendance, a hip band, glorious food and flowing cocktails. A friend of mine was also invited to the event and so we went together after having a casual dinner at a lovely new restaurant. We were fashionably late and so the party was in full swing when we arrived. Although I knew the event was cocktail attire, because we had this casual dinner in advance, I wore something that I thought could bridge both events: suede boots, short skirt, turtleneck sweater, fabulous leather jacket. It was November, after all. The first little insecurity was related to how I was dressed. All of the women, yes all of them, were in slinky cocktail dresses and strappy heels. I immediately felt like I stood out and not in a good way. I felt like everyone was thinking, “is she at the wrong party?” Of course the way insecurities work, that little thought began to expand exponentially. Not only did I feel inappropriately dressed, I felt like I was twice the age of everyone in the room. I probably was and you may wonder, so what? Back to my insecurities, feeling underdressed and old only accentuated my observation that everyone had a date. Of course I had my friend with me, but she was a friend, not a date. The two of us would not be finding ourselves on the dance floor, and I have to admit that I wished someone would ask me to dance. Fat chance that the old gal in the turtleneck was going to get asked! Then the senior team who made the IPO
The problem with insecurities is that they nag you and make you forget how great you are.
happen got on the stage to celebrate. And as I applauded them for their success, all I could think about was how rich they all were. And me, not so much, on top of being underdressed and old and dateless. I know. I know. The whole story seems trivial. But that is the problem with insecurities, they nag at you and make you forget how great you are at those things you are great at! So what do you do when you are looking at a pile of insecurities that are overshadowing all your goodness? First, get out of that rabbit hole! Think about what is making you feel badly and leave the scene if you can! For me, I needed to leave the party because the insecurities that were bugging me were not going to go away as long as I watched the young girls in strapless dresses dancing. Second, pull out your WOW journal. This is your What Obviously Works journal where you have been keeping notes of all the great things that you do everyday. By reading about what you do right, it will help put these little insecurities into their place. For me, that week I had helped my mom through the trauma of a trip to the hospital for a procedure, a trip to the ER as a result of the procedure and then her first days of dialysis. Those were big WOW things in life, not niggly little things. Finally, name your insecurities and develop a plan to overcome them. This is critical and the thing that most of us forget. We need a plan if we want things to be different in the future. We need to focus on the attributes that make us confident so we can squelch insecurities as they arise. For me, I need to always remember that being older means being wiser and that has been the key to my success these last few years. And don’t wear a turtleneck to a cocktail party because everything went downhill from there! “Comparison leads to violence.” Mandy Patinkin “Confidence leads to success.” Jane Miller